The NFL is doing something new this year. They’re letting the draft picks of the first round pick their own walk up music. This could be a recipe for disaster or it could be amazing. We pick 25 first rounders and decide on their entrance music. This is the NFL Draft Playlist.
Jadeveon Clowney, DE, South Carolina
Russ: Anyone who thinks as highly of themselves as ‘ol JC and also happens to come from a school in the south, has no choice, but to make all the McShay’s, Kiper’s, and Mayocks of the world continue to doubt him with his song choice. It’s a foregone conclusion that kings of taking plays off will hilariously botch his entrance music by picking Ace Hood’s “Bugatti.”
Greg Robinson, OT, Auburn
Matt: Being the top Offensive Lineman pick in the draft is always a tough spot. For where you’re picked the fruits of labors will not be immediately obvious to the laymen fan. It won’t be till you’re a veteran and your team is routinely leading the league in rushing yards and giving up the least amount of sacks that you’ll get your dues. But as all wise fans know they are the backbone of a successful franchise. So it only makes sense to come out to Ghostface – The Champ, who lived in the shadow of the Wutang’s QB Method Man far too long:
Khalil Mack, OLB, Buffalo
Russ: A small school background probably means he’s got a somewhat in-check ego. He’ll probably try to make a strong showing with his song choice, but he’ll have a hard time avoiding the obvious pun in Mark Morrison’s Return of the Mack.
Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson
Matt: Short, fast as hell, small school… Pick up your phone it’s the ghost of Al Davis calling. Seriously the Brown’s are projected to take this kid, but I have feeling they won’t and even though he’s dead, the pavlovian dog influence Al Davis had on the franchise will force the Raider’s to take him. So throw fast, great potential, marred by injuries, and nonsensical talking owners in a pot, and what do you get. Chris Brown – Look At Me Now:
Mike Evans, WR, Texas A&M
Russ: Mike Evans has the most boring name of all the top WR prospects and I expect him to follow suit with his uninspired song choice. He can’t help himself from picking Jay-Z’s “Holy Grail.”
Jake Matthews, OT, Texas A&M
Russ: This is getting too easy. Texas A&M means he’ll have to play something country, but with edge. So that means nothing from Texas…Solution: Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive.” It’s an all-quadrants solution for him. I’m sure he’s probably more of a traditionalist, but someone will tell him right before, you have to know your audience. The Draft is near Times Square, which might as well be Jersey, so JBJ keeps him rooted, but safe.
Aaron Donald, DT, Pittsburgh
Matt: He needs something that says I’m not Clowney but I swear I’m still good. It’s always tough being that “other guy” in the draft. Especially when this other guy might actually pan out to be better than the guy getting all the press. He does more with his heart than his frame as he seems undersized slightly but was touted as unblockable at 1 on 1’s. And there’s no better “other guy” in my books than Lloyd Banks, the quintessential and arguably better “other guy” to 50 cent. Lloyd Bank – On Fire seems about right:
Justin Gilbert, CB, Oklahoma State
Matt: You’re the first secondary to be picked in the draft. There’s only one guy everyone wants you to turn out to be. Sure Champ Bailey is great, and Revis is on an island, but everytime a team drafts a DB they secretly hope they have the next Prime Time player, Deion Sanders. So I’d say come out the to his “hit” song “Must Be The Money” but it’s terrible. So instead we’ll go with the only song named after a DB drill. Nelly – Tip Drill:
Taylor Lewan, OT, Michigan
Russ: He might not be from the south, but if any guy was repping country music hardest it was this guy. He even has a name that SOUNDS perfect for country music stardom. Match that with some questionable tattoo sleeve choices and you’ve got Darius Rucker’s cover of “Wagon Wheel.”
Unless his parents are racist. Then you get Old Crow Medicine Show’s Wagon Wheel.
Any way you slice it, this guy is a total Wagon Wheeler.
Darqueze Dennard, CB, Michigan State
Russ: Darqueze certainly had a name that screamed “first CB pick off the board,” but Justin Gilbert beat him to the punch. CB’s much like receivers are a very ego-driven bunch. I see him making a last minute choice to gain back some of that lost favor. He’ll go to Drake, because everyone loves Drake, and he’ll make a bold statement that he’s on Justin’s level when “Started From The Bottom” drops.
Blake Bortles, QB, UCF
Russ: To me, this is the lock on the board. He entered the draft foregoing his senior year of eligibility and he’ll probably be the first white QB off the board. That said, he’s the first guy who gets to snag the highly coveted track “Radioactive” off the oddly successful Imagine Dragons album. That move makes him the real winner of the night.
Eric Ebron, TE, North Carolina
Matt: Tight End was once an under utilized and very underappreciated position. Now all of sudden it’s the new “it” position on every good offense. Every fantasy draft “guru” will try to prove their savvyness by drafting some Tight End from the Texans in the second round. This guy is pretty much a damn good wide reciever peg stuffed into a tight end hole. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Queue the guy from a rock band that wasn’t that great, who dropped a rap album, that was equally mediocre but did create this sports playoff classic. If you watched the NBA from 2005 to 2014 (or forever seeing as they revitalized that Drake Mr. Potato head sprite commercial) you’ve heard Fort Minor’s – Remember the Name:
Zack Martin, OT, Notre Dame
Russ: He’s from Indiana and played for Notre Dame, so I should inherently hate everything about this guy. He’s an O-Lineman, but his name sounds like the name of a cool guy from a 90’s teen show, so he might actually be cool. Since rock music is kinda dead, I think his inherent 90’s cool name, with being a lineman on ND’s team means he’s a fan of “future-classic” rock. That means Foo Fighters. That means Foo Fighters’ “Walk.”
Calvin Pryor, S, Louisville
Matt: The best safety in the draft, Mr “Don’t call me Terrelle” Calvin Pryor is needed in a lot of football towns. He’s known to play with a little reckless abandon, which I like. The position of safety is rather depleted in the NFL. But there’s no better fit for a defender than the city built on defense, Chicago. So he’s got two jobs to do, represent Chicago and scare the hell out of every receiver even thinking about catching a ball across the middle. That only leaves one choice; Kanye West:
Johnny Manziel, QB, Texas A&M
Matt: Manziel is the bad boy white guy that got away with more because he was white. Let’s be serious. His itchy finger money celebration was a direct fuck you to the NCAA so this one is easy as pie. Eminem – Real Slim Shady:
C.J. Mosley, ILB, Alabama
Matt: This guys seems like a decent prospect. Depending where he goes he could be damn good. Oh what’s that? He’s predicted to be picked by the Ravens. Oh you mean where the “DMX” of football once was king, Ray Lewis. Well he won’t be Ray Lewis, but he could be a good imitation. DJ please play Ja Rule – Holla:
Brandin Cooks, WR, Oregon State
Russ: If he wasn’t probably the youngest person in the draft, he’d be coming out to Lil Wayne’s Fireman, but considering he was probably 11 when that track dropped, the next likely choice would have to be Meek Mill’s “Ima Boss.”
Cyrus Kouandjio, OT, Alabama
Matt: There’s always one foreigner that just doesnt quite get whats going on, like Ansah, when he got drafted by the Lions whilst wearing 3D movie glasses. He’ll be unconventially good and won’t really fit in a line up for a year or two. But for being oblivious to the trend factor he’ll probably come out the Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Walk Away’:
Marqise Lee, WR, USC
Russ: USC players never really hit in the pros as of late. I don’t know why, but the last skill position player drafted in the first round from USC was Marky Mark and Funky Buttfumbler. I think to add some stability to a school that looks rocky, I see Marqise making the smart choice to go with Kendrick Lamar’s Swimming Pools. Yes it’s about getting drunk, but shut up!
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, S, Alabama
Russ: Ha Ha “Don’t call me Ha’sean” Clinton Dix. An enigma. He went to Alabama and is from Orlando, Florida. With those places and that name, the only thing I can say for sure about him, is that Kool-Aid was his baby formula. That said, ODB’s “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” is perfect.
Xavier Su’a-Filo, OG, UCLA
Russ: Like most people from Utah, Xavier has no musical culture. He’ll probably sweat this decision for two reasons. One, because he doesn’t want to upset his very conservatively minded family by playing something he heard one of the guys play in the locker room. Two, because he doesn’t wanna look like a big loser for knowing nothing. There is a solution however. It starts with a Mackle and ends with a More and Ryan Lewis. He’ll go with anything off that album and feel ok. He SHOULD take “Can’t Hold Us”, but he’ll go Thrift Shop instead…
Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville
Matt: Expected to be the 3rd and final QB taken in the first round Bridgewater has seen his stock drop quite a bit. Beginning of the NCAA season he was thought to be the clear number 1 pick for some people. For all the hype and now decline I think that leaves him only one choice. Which is to embrace the hate and go full on heel. Drop the needle on Nas – You Can Hate Me Now:
Odell Beckham Jr., WR, LSU
Russ: New Orleans born and raised. Anyone born and raised in Nola has a moral responsibility to rep all things Weezy. There is no way he won’t play Lil Wayne, I just think it’s an issue of WHAT Lil Wayne. The way I see it, Brandin Cooks made a huge mistake when he didn’t pick Fireman. I don’t think Odell makes that same mistake. Odell was born into Weezy the way Bane was born in the darkness. Weezy. Allergic to winter-time. Hot.
Jeremiah Attaochu, OLB, Georgia Tech
Russ: Jeremiah will look to the Africa Connection to help usher him into the upper echelon of professional sports. Wale, his fellow african and not so great rapper will be his choice. Why he chose “Lotus Flower Bomb” I’ll never know.