The movie and television industry is stagnant. Sure we had some good movies this year, but we also had a lot of the same old crappy movies. Sure we’ve had some great shows recently but a lot of them are ending soon or have ended already. So we here at Rookerville want to lend a helping hand by giving them some good ideas. This is “Hollywood Pitches”.
Lumber Jack
Look you can’t just show up to a Hollywood office and start offering insanely original movies. They’ll kick you out. You gotta meet them half way. Give them something that’s worked before and come at it from a different angle. Something that’s worked great in recent history is the slightly ironic, slightly endearing satire of a 2nd tier sport or hobby; a la Talledega Nights, Pitch Perfect, Dodge Ball and Semi-Pro (which wasn’t about a 2nd tier sport, but it was about a 2nd tier league of a major sport so it fits). This is where Lumber Jack comes in. The Outdoor Games are already borderline hilarious. Add in Will Farrell (Duh), Jake Johnson from New Girl, The Rock, and Sean William Scott.
The movie stars Jake Johnson, as Jack, who’s returning from the big city to his mid west childhood home to bury his recently deceased father. He hasn’t been to his home town since he left for college 6 years ago. When he returns he finds out his mother secretly sold their small log cabin in the mountains to the regional Outdoor Games competition committee as they are planning to turn all the small log cabins in this 200 acre space into the new home of the National Outdoor Games Annual Competition with lodging for the competitors. As a show of good faith to the community the NBC sports network, who sponsors the whole thing, is offering up one of the newly renovated lodges to the winner of the regional tournament. Jack (Jake Johnson) realizes he wants to win one of those homes for the family. Only there’s two problems, one he needs a partner and two, he always shied away from all the outdoorsy stuff his father and his uncle used to do when he was younger. So he realizes he only has one thing he can do in this situation. He has to recruit his notoriously drunk uncle to train him and to be his partner. Cue Will Ferrell’s entrance into the movie. From here the jokes write themselves practically. Shoot a scene with Will Ferrell waking Jack up super early to train telling him, “you gotta get at that fresh morning wood.” And obviously show him axing away at a tree with legit morning wood in his pants. This is a Will Farrell joke buffet.
I know what you’re thinking, where do the Rock and Sean William Scott come in. Well you got to have douche bag defending champs right. And that’s exactly what they are. Also give the Rock long hair, this will add to his hilariousness. We already know those two work well together. Leading up the competition you can show glimpses of them as NBC sports is chronicling their training. Have the competition obviously go down to the wire, have Jack and his uncle win on some last minute technicality, maybe have the Rock lose a hand, cut, and print. You have your summer comedy all ready to go. That my friends is “Lumber Jack”. That is box office gold.
Obviously as a side story line you can have Jack run into his high school crush, who he tries to impress with his big city ways and fails, only to succeed getting her once he embraces his hometown roots (Obviously).
This has been yet another edition of Hollywood Pitches. Fox movie execs feel free to contact me.
About Matt Cargile
Matt Cargile is the Editor in Chief of rookerville.com. He also works in finance, but refuses to read any news printed on pink paper. He is a child at heart with adult means. His childhood dream was to either become a magician or the leader of the next great empire and somehow both these things make complete sense. He's contradictory in nature, but is always consistent.
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