[dropcap style=”font-size: 60px; color: #1878ab;”] I [/dropcap]t’s been so long that I don’t want to waste any time. Before I get into the hardcore rank of the cast this season, I want to take a minute to state that all of us at Rookerville are truly heartbroken over the passing of both Diem and Knight. Watching two people who always seems so alive on the show, and knowing they are gone makes this a tougher season than most to write about. That said, lets move on to premiere.
First Impressions Are: Lots of weak teams. Lots of rookies. Lots of castmembers who have seemingly interchangeable job titles each season. No gay couples? Lame. No Jasmine? Yay! I. HATE. ARE. YOU. THE. ONE.
The First Challenge: I Got You Babe (Skyscraper Tightrope)
Total throwback challenge, where the girls had to tightrope walk while the guys above them had to toss them down a rope to steady them/support them as they walk. Basically if the guy or girl in the pair is weak, then wont make it across. Fastest time wins and becomes the power couple and gets to choose the other team to enter “The Dome.”
Across the board, most of the showings in this challenge were weak. Only four teams were actually successful.
The Power Couple: Wes & Theresa (that means we get a Wes deliberation!)
The Losers: Adam & Britney
The Vote: Wes & Theresa decided to have Dustin & Jessica join Adam & Britney in The Dome.
Wes basically pulled a power move and decided to ally with rookies since they have numbers, but also stay away from big-gun vets. Smart play. Note: Theresa had nothing to do with the vote.
The Dome: Pole Position
Each players hands and feet were connected to poles that they had to use to climb a wall and ring a bell. Obviously all about communication.
Winners: Adam & Brittany (BOOOOOOOOOO)
Power Couple Rankings
There were TONS of DQ’s this week, so the rankings are going to be heavily skewed towards prior season performance.
1. Nany & Bananas – You can tell that the producers just wanted to get a monster squad together and smushed them up. I think they have the winningest pedigree, and Nany turning it up towards the end of last season make them the team to beat.
2. Diem & CT – I’m ranking them as if they were there for the whole season. They crushed their tightrope walk.
3. Theresa & Wes – being the 1st power couple from a dramatic standpoint was fantastic. Nany calling them out as sketchy is also the most accurate explanation of them. However Wes deciding to ally with the rookies on the low was brilliant.
4. Sarah & Jordan – Sarah will always play a smart game and somehow everyone in the house thinks she’s great even though she’s probably a serial killer. Also, I think Jordan is looking for redemption.
5. Jonna & Zach – I think they are a better team than Sarah and Jordan, but Sarah and Jordan have some balance to the team. Jonna is a long-legged, no-brained albatross (for someone who does this a lot, she sucks). Zach is sunk.
6. Nia & Leroy – Nia showed flashes last season, but nothing tangible. I think they will hang in because Leroy wont bring undue attention, but the wildcard is Nia. They will sink or swim because of her.
7. Averey & Johnny – Johnny got far last year because of luck, so he’s due for a down year, but I think Averey might turn into one of the new lady powerhouses. She’s got what they call in the biz “spunk.”
8. Jemmye & Knight – Jemmye is a much better competitor than Knight, but combined, they just don’t have any standout qualities to compete or politic.
9. Hailey & Thomas – I have to give them credit for getting through the walk, but I smell an early exit and a drop next week below
10. Jenna & Jay – I think the potential for drama between these two and their hookups is going to keep them alive. I foresee Jenna getting into a relaysh with a stronger teammate, and I don’t blame her.
11. Brittany & Adam – I think you guys suck, but you didn’t squander an opportunity to win, so theres that…
12. Simone & John – Seeing John lets me know that this season will likely have more puzzles and brain shit, cause my dude don’t got no muscles. Maybe he can hang in stamina stuff. Simone right now just looks like a shittier Devyn, and I LIKE DEVYN (now at least)! Get this bootleg Dev outta hurr.
The Biggest Losers
1. Jessica & Dustin – In the challenge, Jessica was straight up full of weak sauce. But after a heart to heart they got it together and put together a reallllly shitty showing in The Dome, proving that weak sauce is all she bout. I feel bad that Dustin couldn’t catch a break.
BUT WAIT…….THERE IS EXILE! Dustin and Jessica know that they have the chance to compete in a losers bracket later on and no one else knows.
Second Impressions Are: Maybe this season wont be so bad. I. HATE. ARE. YOU. THE. ONE. Why couldn’t they just do Fresh Meat? At least I know those people could have been Real Worlders in a bizzaro universe. TJ is the best.
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