Nany and Cohutta’s dumbasses started the show off. The seeds were planted early this episode that there would be some serious fallout between the two top ladies. The focus of the episode was pretty obviously set.
Challenge #9: Dug-Out
Six ramps were dug out with balls. One player had to run down the hill, then up a hill to put a ball in a slot. It was a pairs competition, and it’s happened like 29232 times, so there is no reason to explain much more than that. Teams: CT and Zach (not fair at all), Cohutta and Bananas, Portland and Leroy, Laurel and Devyn, Theresa and Nany, Cara Maria and Jessica. The first start was a ladies round and absolute mess. Nany crushed Cara at the start and looked great throughout, but it looked like concussion city for her. Laurel oddly didn’t look as good as you would expect, and Theresa and Nany ended up taking it. Nany finally showed why she’s here.
The guys started off with fewer collisions than expected. They were focused on speed more than laying each other out. The match was close, but Portland’s screwing up taking the proper balls left them in the lurch. CT and Zach looked like the best team, played like the best team, and were the best team. They made it look easy, and Zach was a killer.
The Vote/The Draw
CT, Zach, Nany, and Theresa were the gatekeepers this week of eliminations and their deliberations were tough. Women from the outset looked like it was going to be a Devyn or Jessica vote because performance-wise they were expendable, but the guys seemed to have a tougher time figuring out who to sacrifice. Obviously Nany wants Cohutta safe, but thats no guarantee in a Free Agents season. It looked like it was leaning towards Cohutta or Leroy. However, Leroy has refused to look out for anyone else this season, and made that clear to Theresa, so I would guess he’d be going in. Jess got the lady vote in a landslide. Cohutta got the guys vote, which was absurd to me, considering Portland was still around.
In the draw, Devyn drew first and was safe. Bananas was safe. Cara Maria pulled the kill card, and should send Jess home. Portland was safe, so that meant Leroy would see his first elimination of the season.
Elimination #9: Balls In
You know how this is supposed to go…A football styled competition always favors the bigger and stronger, so these should be obvious winners.
Cohutta V. Leroy: The first round Leroy beasted easily, but with excellent sportsmanship. Round two was the same. After two rounds it was complete domination. I think they call it a Flawless Victory because that’s what Leroy had.
Jessica V. Cara Maria: Jessica put up a good fight on the ground, but Cara took the first round when Jess tried to hail mary the ball in. Midway through round one, there was some scrapping too for the first time! Jess showed heart in the first round when she switched to Defense and ended up in a draw. Round two, Cara beasted and won the first part and second to get the first point. The third round was another stalemate. Round four ended with a Cara Maria win, but she got worked by Jess the whole way.
Men’s Rankings
1. C.T
Russ: C.T. is the king of this season. He said Free Agents would be his time to shine, and so far it’s been just that.
2. Zach
Russ: Remember when Zach would Thor-out in rages on people? I like this calmer, more-relaxed Zach. He plays better.
3.Leroy
Russ: If anyone else was an honest as you consistently have been, I’d call them an idiot. On you, it works. Also, way to show people, the mack truck you are, when you have to be. Good lord. Beast, awoken.
4. Bananas
Russ: I don’t think theres ever been an episode where Bananas has said less.
5. Johnny (Portland)
Russ: You know you’re going home next week right? You REALLY don’t belong anymore
Women’s Rankings
1. Laurel
Russ: I think someone told Laurel she was Mother Earth one day. You give people strength? After watching her cheer for Jess, I almost want to stop following her on Twitter.
2. Cara Maria
Russ: You’ve gotta pick better friends. Laurel treats you like some kind of pet. I can see this unhealthy friendship resulting in a murmursusu (murder-suicide).
3. Theresa
Russ: It bugs me that she’s still in the competition and I’m fearful Cara will start looking to this bag of poison for friendship.
4. Nany
Russ: MTV can play all the cute music they want when you and C-Town are together. You still effed Portland like 71 hours ago. And don’t be sad he’s gone, be glad you’ve still got Portland in the house.
5. Devyn
Russ: Welcome back to the basement. It’s not really anythng you’ve done as much as it was Nany showing some skillz.
GOODBYE LOSERS:
1. Jessica
Russ: You should have started sucking up to Laurel way earlier. I will give you credit for your performance in elimination. Maybe you wont be the worst next year?
2. Cohutta
Russ: I feel bad, because you didn’t even stand a chance in your elimination. At least you get to leave Nany, before she ruins you!
About Russ Stevens
Russ Stevens is an editor and writer at Rookerville and a guidance counselor at Nyack HS. He mostly writes about either loving or hating things. In his spare time, he performs Improv comedy with his troupe Priest and The Beekeeper and is a co-producer of their monthly variety show Pig Pile. He loves all the New York sports teams that are historically bad, and he hates lateness more than anything in the world.