I‘ve gotten used to the typical goofy open to the show. Opening with Devyn’s weave burial is the typical palette cleansing move I’ve come to expect. Preston was featured heavily at the beginning which made me think he’s probably going home. But then again, they also showed Cohutta opening up more to Nany, so he might also peace out.
Whatever. ON TO THE ACTION!
Challenge #8: Hold That Pose
This was another team challenge (two teams). With a bunch of ropes. Essentially each player had four designated ropes in some wild configuration that they each had to hold on to for a minute. It looked like a 3D hanging twister. The captains were Devyn and Portland. I’ll say that both of the captains this week were pretty smart from the outset. The tough part about this challenge was that you were solely responsible for holding your own body weight, but you also had to support your teammates kinda?
Team Portland had Cohutta, Laurel, Theresa, Aneesa, Preston, and Bananas. Team Devyn had Leroy, CT, Zach, Jessica, Nany, and Cara Maria, and their strategy was much better. Instead of focusing on getting each person individually strapped in as a group, they all just got to their spots individually. They got to the minute pose first and that was all she wrote.
The Vote/The Draw
Because the teams were pretty much even, guy to girl, one guy/girl got the vote into elimination, and the remaining two guy/girls on Portland’s team got The Draw. The Big Beef Brigade (CT, Zach, and Leroy) all had the opportunity to ally up for the elimination pick. Their call was to go for Preston, which pretty much solidified my earlier thinking that it his time was nigh. Devyn started off by going right to the Don, Laurel to tell her she wasn’t getting the vote. What was crazy to me, was how quickly Laurel went into spouting off her hit list from a position of full vulnerability. Devyn was truly in a tough spot here (not to me though “VOTE ANEESA. VOTE IT OFTEN!”). The vote began with Devyn casting hers for Aneesa. Everyone else followed suit because it was easy. No surprise here. Cara Maria then started the Preston vote train, which was also quite easy. Unanimity hurts son.
In The Draw, TJ finally said someone absolutely killed it! He was referring to Devyn’s team, but by fantasy rules, I feel like everyone on that team should get a point… Anyway, Laurel went first and pulled the kill card. Great elimination matchup. Bananas pulled and cleared, then Cohutta drew the other kill card. Not so great elimination matchup.
Elimination #8: Oppenheimer
Remember? The one where you run in an enclosed circle to jack up the other person and ring a bell.
Cohutta V. Preston: I expected not a lot from this elimination, and from the way they both yapped, I expected even less. Cohutta won the first round easy, but not without a fight from Preston. Cohutta still won.
Aneesa V. Laurel: I expected a lot from this elimination. I loved that they hate each other and literally had to run THROUGH each other to send the other home. The first round Aneesa bull-rushed Laurel hard, but she absorbed it quick and got to her bell just in time to take the first round over Neesy. Aneesa was shocked she didn’t win, which I didn’t get. In round two, Laurel brought the hammer a bit harder and it’s probably what eked out her elimination win over Aneesa ultimately.
Men’s Rankings
1. C.T
Russ: Big Beef #1 looked like his age was starting to show in the challenge.
2. Zach
Russ: Big Beef #2 is thinking the right way. Get the dead weight out. Too many potential team challenges left to get stuck with a Swiftian player.
3.Leroy
Russ: Big Beef #3 isn’t even on the radar. No big solo wins. No hookups. No votes in. No problem.
4. Cohutta
Russ: Dude. I feel for you man. You got the weirdest case of Friendzoning, but also, you’re bringing this shit on yourself. Get away.
5. Bananas
Russ: He’s the Lance Stephenson of the Challenge this season (someone please get that reference).
6. Johnny (Portland)
Russ: I don’t blame you for hooking up with Nany. You’ve gotta do something to get screentime. You won last week, and no one even cared.
Women’s Rankings
1. Laurel
Russ: At the end of the day, Laurel says, “At the end of the day” 30239 times. At the end of the day.
2. Cara Maria
Russ: Slow news week for lil miss cm punk.
3. Theresa
Russ: Theresa has the worst habit of putting herself into alliances with whomever is house pariah. She’s been on this show for too long, to not know how to play. Also get better at talking shit. Barely winning is still winning.
4. Devyn
Russ: You are politicking with the best of em. Ya aint on my fantasy team (or anyone’s prolly), but I’d like to see you go far.
5. Nany
Russ: You’re right, you ARE going to hurt Cohutta. And you did. You are the worst. Just because you are upset about something and cry, doesn’t mean you are somehow less of a bad person.
6. Jessica
Russ: Goodbye next week.
GOODBYE LOSERS:
1. Preston
Russ: Maybe if you actually cared about winning, people would take you more seriously next year. Beef up playa.
2. Aneesa
Russ: I wish I could bottle your tears and drink them like so much Coconut Water.
Next week has that awesomely violent looking thing they have every season where you run downhill and crash into another human, AND drama between Laurel and Cara Maria. Can’t wait.
About Russ Stevens
Russ Stevens is an editor and writer at Rookerville and a guidance counselor at Nyack HS. He mostly writes about either loving or hating things. In his spare time, he performs Improv comedy with his troupe Priest and The Beekeeper and is a co-producer of their monthly variety show Pig Pile. He loves all the New York sports teams that are historically bad, and he hates lateness more than anything in the world.