As the business week draws to a close, other than a fairly shocking Thursday Night Football result, it has been a relatively quiet few days in the world of sports. This, of course, is the antithesis of what we experienced in the latter half of the previous week, which is probably a welcome relief for our cardiac systems. We witnessed an unfortunate chain of events unfold during the World Cup draw, a potential Heisman winner avoid criminal charges, a flurry of high-profile MLB signings, and a Sportscenter that was nearly hosted by Ron Burgundy. And that’s not even getting into the insanity that was Sunday’s wild snow games and Saturday’s BCS-altering results. With all of the highlights, reactions, and analysis that subsequently consumed our attention spans in the wake of such a steady stream of noteworthy goings-on, it is mildly understandable (but not entirely forgivable), how a headline like this went widely unnoticed:
“LeBron, Kevin Hart plan movie”
It would appear, bored with the pursuit of a third straight NBA championship and a shot at immortality, LeBron has instead decided to focus his priorities on securing a big-name actor to star alongside him in not-yet-written script about a professional basketball player’s brother who decides to attend an adult fantasy basketball camp. Presumably, hilarity ensues.
Before the inevitable hammer of internet judgement crashes down on this [ill-advised] foray into film, let us take a step back to analyze the situation. Yes, LeBron has been allegedly pitching this idea for the last five years while waiting for someone else to do the heavy lifting, but this really isn’t any worse than Knicks owner James Dolan overpaying a group of session musicians so that he can make a jazz record. And yes, the biological plausibility of two adults roughly eighteen inches and one hundred and fifty pounds apart being brothers is slim, but they’re both black, so, you know, close enough (here’s where Mr. Burgundy would assure us that, “It’s science”). Moreover, it’s not even remotely unprecedented for a television star with a highly-rated show (see: Decision, The) to make the jump to the big screen. I mean, Jennifer Anniston turned a role in Friends into a role in Bruce Almighty. If that’s not a measure of success and an illustration of the ease in transitioning to a new medium, I don’t know what is.
And if that previous paragraph did little to sway you from “This is the worst idea ever” to “I’m listening, but it’s still the worst idea ever”, then let us not forget the many NBA players who ventured into the movie business in starring roles before King James. In no particular order, here’s a handful of ballers who blazed the path for “Ballers”.
Michael Jordan, Space Jam
Great sports movie or greatest sports movie? You decide. This documentary tracks one man’s difficult decision to forgo being mediocre at minor league baseball to resume being the greatest basketball player of all time. He ultimately rekindles his passion for the game after saving Bugs Bunny and the gang from alien takeover, being convinced to come out of retirement soon thereafter. They could have won eight in a row. They could have won eight in a row.
Gheorghe Muresan, My Giant
The tallest player in NBA history gets a lead role in a film about him getting a lead role in a film because he is tall…AND IN LOVE. (No. Really. I’m not kidding.)
Ray Allen, He Got Game
The gold standard for the movies-starring-a-current-
Kevin Durant, Thunderstruck
Wait – this HAPPENED?! Believe it or not, understated, I-will-quietly-sign-my-
Shaquille O’Neal, Kazaam
A 5,000-year-old genie lives in a boom box, becomes a professional rapper, befriends a lonely kid, and ultimately breaks free from his genie oppression. I’m not sure what about this doesn’t scream “role of a lifetime”. Bonus points for a star-studded soundtrack featuring Shaq (duh), Boyz II Men, Usher, Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, and the Backstreet Boys. This peaked at #86 on the Billboard Hot 100, making it one of the rare soundtracks that outperformed the movie that spawned it. Or the only one. I don’t really have the facts to back up that claim.
So, to recap – body switching, giants playing giants, cartoon aliens, rapping genies, and Jesus. I’m sure LeBron will do just fine.
About Andrew Rose
Andrew Rose is a writer and editor for Rookerville. He also manages a travel blog for his friends and family. His book, “Seizure Salad”, is a work of fiction - not in that it is a tale of fantasy, but in that it does not actually exist.