Whoa. The girls got DUMB this week. After the worst voting mistake in Challenge history, Leroy & Ty got voted into elimination against Trey and Big Baby Zachy Poo. They even lost the elimination, only to be spared by Zach’s inadvertent cheating. One thing we learned for sure this week, is you don’t throwaway your vote. You have a vote for a reason. Vote in someone you don’t like. Game over. With that, I’ve decided to do a quick re-seeding based on the Challenges up to this point.
The State of The Challengers
Front Runners
1. CT & Wes
Russ: Damn Wes, you sound a lil jeal jeal about Theresa and Leroy. Moving out of the room? What a sad ginger-bear. Bro, I don’t think Leroy is even a little bit insecure dude. It’s nice to see the “master manipulator” back.
Michelle: Considering their beef is over almost nothing, I wouldn’t be surprised if Wes is fighting with Leroy so he has a strong teammate for the next Rivals season. And we all just don’t understand his bigger plan until the very end, cause he’s like the Abu Nazir of The Challenge. Or maybe he just wants more screen time, who knows. Gingers are difficult to understand.
2. Johnny & Frank
Russ: Johnny. You finally get political. I think it’s brilliant that he let Knight and Preston win. That’s a total vet move. Love it. Frank, this was the most sane I think I’ve ever seen you.
Michelle: Johnny had the real life incarnation of the Hulk after him with a vengeance and he didn’t even blink an eye. Nor did he even get even close to being voted into the Jungle. For a guy that seems middle of the road in every possible way (looks, smarts, social graces, facial hair), he really has the golden touch during these challenges. He even has Frank acting like a reasonable human being.
3. Jordan & Marlon
Russ: Jordan killed it in the challenge (imagine I said that like TJ). Marlon didn’t eff anything for the first time in what feels like weeks. Bring Derek back!
4. Paula & Emily
Russ: It’s nice to know they are both human. They are still the biggest lock in the house in my opinion however.
Michelle: Who cares if they have their first loss of the season? In an HD that makes even the attractive cast members look beastly, Emily appears to have perfect hair/skin/nail beds/athletic prowess so I’m fine with it.
Tough Competitors
1.Leroy & Ty
Russ: YEAH LEROY! Get Theresa some screentime.
Michelle: Thank goodness Zach is a big ole cheater, so Leroy could go back and hook up with “the prettiest girl in the whole house”. It’s a good thing he got with her before her career as a big time lingerie model breaks out. Look out Kate Upton, there’s a gangly brunette with a horrifying accent on your trail!
2. Camila & Jemmye
Russ: Camila and Jemmye effing booked it in the challenge. I’m impressed. They also have the hottest lady in the HOUUUUUSE (Jemmye)! According to RoyLee.
Michelle: You say tomato, I say don’t you dare break down that tomato into a condiment or I will lose my mind! Besides the traumatic ketchup incident, these two are remaining highly uninteresting this season. I, for one, did not sign up for this show to watch some emotionally mature adults act like ladies all season long. Let’s see some of that crazy or let’s see an elimination round.
3. Jasmine & Theresa
Russ: They won because they are perfectly middle of the road. That’s sometimes the best way to be. But you are a fucking moron. You never vote in the guy you’re banging. EVER.
Michelle: Theresa is still known as the hot girl in the house? Really?
Long Shots
2. Jonna & Nany
Michelle: Nany, you’ve been wearing that pink dress since your RW:Vegas season in 2011 and I feel awkward for even knowing that.
3. Aneesa & Diem
Russ: I’ve never seen Aneesa complete something in my entire life. EVER. Luckily they are vets because they should jump Jonna and Nany and/or Theresa and Jasmine in the coming weeks. All they have to do is play possum and they are safe.
Michelle: Her decision to send in Leroy and Ty was a solid one. Once he had the one “throwaway” vote, Nany and Jonna shouldn’t have given him the second, so this is all on them. And what do they expect, anyway? This is a girl who does not play it safe, as proven by her People.com blog Diem Brown Blogs: Why I Don’t Play It Safe.
Come On, Seriously?:
1. Preston & Knight
Russ: Knight you little fuck. You’re a little fuck. He’s the absolute perfect minion.
Michelle: Why does Preston always look so sad? I mean besides losing every challenge and his teammate making homophobic jokes and everyone thinking he shouldn’t be there, why so sad?
2. Cooke & Cara Maria
Russ: Cara Maria’s fall was incredible.
Michelle: Just stay under the radar and keep playing well, and you will have a decent shot. This is about the time that people get nervous and house alliances start imploding on themselves, which will help you to be less of a house target.
GOODBYE YOU LOSERS!
1. Zach & Trey
Russ: CAVEMAN ZACH NO HAPPY HE MISS NEPHEW BIRTH! ZACH SMASH! ZACH STOMACH HURT CAUSE HE NO SEE BABY! ZACH CHEAT, BUT NO BELIEVE HE CHEAT! Also, Trey’s a bitch. PEACE YA’LL!
Michelle: I’m already nervous for Zach’s reaction if he ever has a kid of his own. I suspect a padded cell and restraints will be required in the birthing room.
With that said, the loss of Zach and Trey is really going to speed this game up. Between that and Leroy’s accidental vote-in, I think the political machinations are in full swing. Expect to see Johnny own the competition shortly.
About Russ Stevens
Russ Stevens is an editor and writer at Rookerville and a guidance counselor at Nyack HS. He mostly writes about either loving or hating things. In his spare time, he performs Improv comedy with his troupe Priest and The Beekeeper and is a co-producer of their monthly variety show Pig Pile. He loves all the New York sports teams that are historically bad, and he hates lateness more than anything in the world.