If The Playoffs Were Food and Drink, Autumn Edition

BTB_taps_web

 

Last spring, in attempts to trump the playoffs predictions of so-called experts by using non-sports-related metrics, I turned to local food and drink in lieu of win-loss records and statistics. My completely subjective signature dish bracket called for the Memphis Grizzlies to stand atop the NBA (they lost in the conference finals), but my math-based, mostly-objective breweries bracket accurately crowned the Chicago Blackhawks as Stanley Cup Champions. I decided to run the gimmick back once more for the MLB playoffs – this time with a distinctive fall flavor – mostly because I have nothing better to do, but also because talking about beer will distract me from the fact that my favorite team fell short of the playoffs.

I stuck with my trusty Beer Advocate account for this edition, as it allowed for objectivity and had proven worthy in the past. There were, however, a few changes to the formula. Instead of focusing on bottling breweries in the immediately area of a team’s home stadium, I looked at the top rated beers of different styles and allocated wins based on the highest-ranked local brews. For example, let’s say one of the rounds was “cream ales”. If Team A was home to the second-ranked cream ale, they were awarded one win. If Team B subsequently produced the 11th, 19th, and 22nd highest-rated cream ales, without Team A placing anywhere in between, Team B would win the five-game series 3-1. The rounds were as follows: Wild Card Series – Wild Ale; Division Series – Pumpkin Ale; League Championship Series – Märzen/Oktoberfest; World Series – Top Beers, Any Style. I’ll explain these choices further in each individual section.

Each beer needed to have at least ten reviews to be considered eligible, though the vast majority had far more than this. I allowed for non-bottled entries this time, as a world-class brewpub is just as much a part of the local flavor as is a bottling brewery. In regards to what was considered local, I expanded the area to account for any beer brewed within the state the team plays. There were two cases in which two teams played in the same state, so I decided to split each in half. Ohio was divided longitudinally, with the Indians getting Columbus and all points east and the Reds representing Toledo and the rest of the west. In California, the line was horizontal instead, extending from just south of Monterey Bay across the state, under Fresno and through the Sierras. The A’s had the resulting top half and the Dodgers got the bottom. I have no idea what I would have done if both Chicago or New York teams had qualified, or if the Angels or Giants had put together winning seasons.

As usual, chains that exist in multiple states such as Rock Bottom were excluded. But beyond all that, let’s play ball!

Wild Card Games – Best of 1, American Wild Ale

Pittsburgh 1, Cincinnati 0

While wild ales – those brewed with wild yeast or bacteria – are not exactly considered to be autumn beers, it seemed far too appropriate to make the wild ale/wild card connection to pass it up. The Pirates came out swinging, with Pizza Boy Brewing producing an ale called Permasmile, followed shortly thereafter (not that it counted) by Intangible, created by the same company.

Cleveland 1, Tampa Bay 0

The winner here came from Jackie O’s Pub & Brewery – rated as world class – and was entitled Oaky Golden Pucker. Believe it or not, Tampa actually had some high-quality brews that would have qualified in the later rounds, but alas, they couldn’t pass the first test. Except that this article was released following the wildcard games, and we already know they won. Which brings me to my next point – if you think deciding the first round based on one singular beer is a foolhardy way to determine a superior region, you’re probably right. It’s kind of like deciding a playoff series based on one game. Get it together, MLB; you’re starting to make the college football playoff system seem reasonable.

Division Series – Best of 5, Pumpkin Ale

Detroit 3, Oakland 0

One of my fellow Rookers recently discussed his aversion to the omnipresence of pumpkin spiced offerings at this time of year. To each their own, I suppose, but also, he is wrong. Pumpkin ales may seem to some as trendy and not worthy of real consideration, but those people are probably drinking Shipyard’s Pumpkinhead, which has no real pumpkin and is absolutely terrible. But I digress. With all the excellent breweries in northern California, I thought the A’s would run away with this competition; in any other season of the year, they probably would have. But the cold winters of Michigan are preceded by midwestern autumns, and the Tigers flexed their muscles on this one. Kuhnhenn’s All Hallows Ale, Short’s Funkin Punkin, and La Parcela, brewed by Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales – clearly, a ringer – dominated this matchup.

Boston 3, Cleveland 0

Well, at least we didn’t have the Indians advancing too far. Eastern Ohio actually had a solid amount of beers on the “top pumpkin” list; it’s just that all of them came after those representing the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Their victories included an Imperial Pumpkin Stout that sounds pretty delicious, and they closed the series with Boston Beer Works’ Pumpkinhead Ale, not to be confused with the shit-tastic crap that Shipyard produces.

Los Angeles 3, Atlanta 0

A lot of sweeps in this round! This series was a snoozer, as we had to go deep into the pumpkin ale list to even find three beers that qualified. Georgia isn’t exactly known for its brewing prowess, and LA is too warm to have an autumn. The Dodger’s first victory came from Bootlegger’s Brewery, and all three selections were simply called “Pumpkin Ale”. Snore.

Pittsburgh 3, St. Louis 2

This was an exciting matchup; I was on the edge of my seat. The Pirates took game one, but the Cardinals quickly countered with Schlafly’s Pumpkin Ale and Crown Valley’s Imperial Pumpkin Smash – a great beer name for a baseball game. Just when it looked like all was lost, Pittsburgh squeaked out the last two, closing the series with an offering called “Braaaiins!”, which I really hope is what Andrew McCutchen screams the next time he hits a home run.

League Championship Series – Best of 7, Märzen/Oktoberfest

Boston 4, Detroit 1

They say that legends are made in October, so it was only right to include Oktoberfest as the focal point of the next round of quintessentially autumn beers. The Sox took the first two games with lagers from the Element and Berkshire Brewing Companies, but the Tigers came back strong with another selection from Kuhnhenn. They couldn’t keep their momentum, however, ultimately finished off by Copper Legend, from Jack’s Abby Brewing.

Pittsburgh 4, Los Angeles 1

LA could out-autumn Atlanta, but it stood little chance of defeating mighty Pittsburgh. The Pirates took the first three games with ease, submitting two winning selections from Pennsylvania Brewing Company as well as Zeltbier, from, appropriately, Victory. The Dodgers prevented a sweep with the tasty-sounding Oaktoberfest, but were likely doomed by their horrible year-round sunshine and beach weather.

World Series – Best of 7, Top Beers, Any Style

Beer Advocate has a list entitled “Top 250 Beers”, and for a matchup in the World Series, I eschewed other fringe fall styles such as harvest ales for a no-holds-barred battle of the heavyweights. Boston took game one with Samuel Adams’ Utopias, consistently regarded as one of the best strong ales in the country. The Pirates rallied to take the series lead with strong performances from Tröegs Nugget Nectar – seriously, Tröegs does not have a single mediocre beer – and a selection from Voodoo Brewing Company which, on paper, sounds like the most delicious brew of all-time. It’s called Black Magick, it’s an imperial stout, and it’s made with Pappy Van Winkle, the greatest bourbon there is. Yowzas. However, their offense went cold after that one, as the Sox took the next two with additional offerings from Jack’s Abby; the first a pale lager called Hoponius Union, and the second a bourbon barrel aged baltic porter named Framinghammer. Game 6 was won by an IPA known as Julius, and autumn in New England reigned supreme. Foliage, pumpkin beers, and baseball.

Boston 4, Pittsburgh 2.

Andrew Rose

About Andrew Rose

Andrew Rose is a writer and editor for Rookerville. He also manages a travel blog for his friends and family. His book, “Seizure Salad”, is a work of fiction - not in that it is a tale of fantasy, but in that it does not actually exist.

Comments

Share This Post On

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: