We wanted to give this topic its due and be able to be honest, so the writers have been kept anonymous. Enjoy.
A Female Perspective:
Known as one of the oldest double standards in the book, my “number”, has been haunting me since the age of 16. Men are praised if they fuck a girl the first night they meet them. In most cases, it is expected behavior. But if a woman is sleeping around she’s a slut, whore, easy, desperate, and my personal favorite, hussy (when it’s 1920).
The numbers game consumes me. If my number is too high, I’m not appealing but if my number is too low I’m inexperienced. Does it matter? Who is keeping track? What is the ideal number?
And this is where the truth comes out. The answers; no, nobody, and it doesn’t matter. If you’re dating someone and they ask your number, you don’t have to tell them the truth. The only person that knows the amount of people you’ve slept with is you. If you want to be innocent that day and throw out a modest 5, go for it. Nobody can prove where your vagina has been. I’ve been single for a good amount of time now and I’m constantly concerned about hiking my number up. I literally avoid sleeping with a guy just so I don’t have to add another to the list. I even have a reserves list of men I’ve already slept with that I still hook up with. It was a win-win situation, I’ve already been with them, I know how they perform, and my number does not increase. This is all a great idea until you end up sleeping with your ex-boyfriend and wondering how you somehow are choosing to sleep with him now after all of that horrible sex. Because in my head, if I’ve slept with a lot of men, I’m a whore because that is what society tells me. It doesn’t matter if I’m educated, well mannered, and well maintained. If I had slept with 45 men and somebody knew, I’m considered a slut. All positive attributes fade away into the “hell” that is my vagina. Am I saying to go hop on the first dick you see? No. But I’m saying don’t be scared to if you want to, let it happen. If you like a guy and you’re ready to take it there, fucking go for it. As long as you’re being safe, who are you hurting?
As I thought about it more and more, I’ve realized that the only people really judging my number are other women and me. Men really aren’t in the equation because most of them truly don’t care who you’ve been with. To most women, sex is a big deal. To most men, sex is equivalent to a really good meatball sub. I’ve made the decision that moving forward only one person will know my true number and that is me. So fuck you to the girls that will ask me because I am going to bold face lie right to you with no remorse because my vagina is my business and YOU DON’T OWN ME. Fuck the numbers game
A Male Perspective:
I might be (I definitely am) in the minority here. For me the numbers aren’t as important as how one might get to that number. I’ve been there when a girl gets on her high horse about not having a high number in front of other girls, but what they don’t divulge is that they’ve been in a relationship since they were sixteen. Oh, not with the same guy mind you, but they’ve had less single days than holidays since high school. I think numbers are looked at all wrong. It should be more of ratio to months single and months dating. I don’t know what a good grade would be based on that, and I’d rather not set some pseudo ceiling, but my point is that, to me, it’s more about selective-ness. Look I’d be lying if I said I’m not curious about the number for any girl I meet. But in the end it’s not that important and it’s not cause I want to know it’s less than my number, or not above some random limit. No, I’m curious because it tells about your selective-ness and I’m a natural observer of people so stats intrigue me for sociological purposes that have nothing to do with the actual girl. But as I said it’s not about high or low. If I met a girl who’s number was below average but she hadn’t been single longer than a month at any given time since high school, and has had 3 long term boyfriends, I’d question her independence and her neediness for acceptance by guys. It’s for a selfish reason, but I want to know that she’s into me for adult reasons. Not just cause I’m the next leaning post to walk by. But I must be honest about what the average guy is (most likely) thinking. A small number don’t care at all. But a lot will definitely hold their female counterpart to some higher standard than they would ever hold themselves (I have a friend who wanted to marry a virgin or close–”Men can handle it better” was his reasoning). It’s just the reality of it. Yet, and this is a point I go back to all too often when debating the worst characteristics of my fellow male species, there are women dating these guys. Any time I meet a douche bag or some sexist asshole, I tend to wonder how did he gets there. If no one dated him he would eventually change his ways. But I digress. That’s a conversation for a whole other topic.
The concern of numbers isn’t completely a non-concern for men. There’s a double edge sword that you have to try avoiding. See I’d like to believe I have a below average number because I’m a great guy, but as a self-reflective person I realize I might simply be a product of circumstance. It’s that idea that when you meet a guy in his twenties and he’s still a virgin, he’ll tell you it’s cause he’s waiting for someone special, but what you’ll hear is he just can’t get any. I was one of these guys, and frankly I can’t tell which is more right. I want believe the former but I can’t deny that the latter is somewhat true too. Men have their own societal pressures; there’s a reason guys with large number continue to have larger numbers and why guys with low numbers seem to stay that way. You women have a case of collective unconscious judgment. One could be lead to believe that one needs to conquer enough women for other women to want him. I hope I’m wrong, but the thought still lingers. And yet, admittedly, it’s not the same level of pressure a female has to deal with. Look there’s no doubt the world is sexist and it sucks. I wish I could argue on the part of every girl that has to deal with being judged. But I can only offer one bit of advice. You can always reinvent yourself. If people talk about you in high school, guess what, you can be whatever you want in college. And if it happens in college, guess what you can graduate and yet again establish who you want to be. And in the real world, you can just cut people off who are quick to judge. And for men, I’ll say this, just cause it’s just another notch on your belt, doesn’t mean it’s the same for the other party. Try to think about how you want the world to be when you have a daughter.