Pumpkin Spice Everything

PSL

Summer is almost over. Which means beautiful fall weather right? Wrong. Well not completely wrong.  But somewhat wrong as foliage and crisp air has competition for what signifies the arrival of fall. Somehow over the past few years a drink concoction so unholy has taking everyone by storm.  It’s hard to say where the craze began.  But I know one thing.  I want it stop.  IT’S NOT EVEN GOOD.  Does it even taste like pumpkin.  I don’t think so.  The only flavor I get is sweet.  It taste like diabetes and cavities put in a food processor and tossed in coffee.  How have we let this happen.  I read an article recently about vegans being upset there wasn’t some for of vegan safe pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks.  Consider yourself lucky I say.  Beyond the fact that they probably will out live us omnivores as it is, they should be happy to add a few more years to their life by avoiding the devil’s favorite morning beverage.

It’s not even coffee. Here me out.  Add a lot of sugar to water, it’s no longer water, it quickly becomes Kool-Aid.  So with that line of logic, can we really call pumpkin spice latte a coffee.  No.  We can’t.  I draw parallels to deep dish pizza.  No offense to my Chicagoans, but deep dish, is not pizza.  It’s not, I’m sorry.  It’s not even remotely close to pizza.  It doesn’t mean its not good. I actually love a good deep dish slice, but I love it like one might love lasagna without the pasta.  And in that same vein if you like pumpkin spice latte, it’s not really coffee you’re looking to enjoy.  You enjoy the taste of sugar on sugar.  And you have the refined palette of a 10 year old kid who just chased down the ice cream truck just so they can order a Ninja Turtles ice cream bar and a Fun Dip package.  And if you don’t agree, just think about this for one minute.  How many people do you know that admittedly don’t like or drink coffee but can’t resist themselves when the leaves turn brown and Starbucks starts pedaling their yearly supply of morning meth.  I know a bunch.  More than I should actually.  So the next time you go into a Dunkin’ Donuts or a Connecticut Muffin remember the only real victim in this whole situation is Fall.  The season once known for it’s picturesque scenery, its fresh apples, and what honestly feels like cleaner air has now become known for a bastardization of coffee.  Thanks Obama. Season’s greetings.

Matt Cargile

About Matt Cargile

Matt Cargile is the Editor in Chief of rookerville.com. He also works in finance, but refuses to read any news printed on pink paper. He is a child at heart with adult means. His childhood dream was to either become a magician or the leader of the next great empire and somehow both these things make complete sense. He's contradictory in nature, but is always consistent.

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